Obstinate Love

„You're obstinate, pliant, merry, morose, all at once. For me there's no living with you, or without you.” (Martial)

Love and hate. How deep is the abyss between these two strong feelings? How easy it is to build bridges over this abyss. How interconnected they are... Committed love. Marriage. Union. Strong ties. How strong? What happens if one of the two disconnects, and the other just won’t let go? Is obstinate love healthy or safe?

I have read this story of a man who got drunk and shot up his girlfriend's car. When asked what he had learned from it, he said, "You can't make a woman love you if she don't."

I’ve seen people who seem to be deaf to the other half of the couple’s indifference. They cling and hold to something that just isn’t there. Is it pure love or is it vanity, I wonder. Is it excessive pride? Failure to admit to the other’s lack of interest. Or maybe just pure ambition. Infatuation - unrealistic love. Foolishness. Appearance. Denial. Rigidity. One-sided love... Does it work? Is it that the observance of decorum and propriety is stronger than truth? We are surrounded by happy faces. What do they hide? Frustration, maybe. Guilt. A person who is unreasonably adhering to something in spite of arguments, can really be conscious of his/her own doing/self? This unwillingness to give up ... where does it lead? I am fascinated by it, I must admit.

"A mighty pain to love it is,
And 'tis a pain that pain to miss;
But of all pains, the greatest pain
It is to love, but love in vain."
(Abraham Cowley)

Maybe „love” is not the right word here. I seem more inclined to call it „attachment”. Inflexibility. People appear to place varying degrees of importance on the kind of love they receive. Some settle for less, some always want more. Commitment is the essence of long-term relationships. It is not love, nor infatuation. We all make choices, I guess… all the time.